Advice that was wrapped in sternness and gentleness—treasured by all who received it
In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.
From Abū Ruqayyah Tamīm bin Aws al-Dārī (raḍiyallāhu ʿanhum) who said that the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wasallam) said, “The religion is sincerity of purpose.” We said, “To whom?” He said, “To Allāh, His Book, His Messenger, the leaders of the Muslims and their general folk.” [1]
Sincere advice to the Muslims: It is to guide them towards the beneficial things related to the matters of their afterlife and the worldly life, and to aid them in that; guide them towards rectification in matters related to their worldly life and afterlife; love them for the sake of Allah, aid them in truth, co-operate with them in good and guidance and not in sin and transgression; clarify the truth for them and advise them with it, and disapprove evil if they violate Allah’s right [2]
Teach them what they are ignorant of in their religion and aid them upon that through speech and action; repel harm from them and seek what is beneficial for them; command them with good and forbid them from evil with softness and sincerity and be compassionate towards them; respect their elder ones and have mercy on their young ones; speak to them with beautiful admonition and abandon deceiving and envying them; love for them what you love for yourself and hate for them what you hate for yourself; defend their wealth, honour and other than that through speech and action [3]
Ibn ʿAbbās, may Allah be pleased with him and his father, said: “A man does not cease to increase in soundness of judgment as long as he sincerely advises the one who seeks his counsel. But if he deceives him, Allah takes away his sincerity and his sound judgment.” [4]
Khalid Bin Hayyaan narrated from Jafar Bin Burqaan, may Allah have mercy upon them, who said: Maymoon Bin Mihran, may Allah have mercy upon him said to me, “O Jafar! Say what I detest (i.e. the bitter truth) in my face since a man will not have (fulfilled) advice to his brother until he says in his face what he detests”. [5]
Umar Ibn Abdul Azeez, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: Whoever advises his brother to rectify affairs related to his religion and gives him insight into a worldly affair has perfected their relationship and fulfilled his obligation of (brotherhood) to him”. [6]
Imam Al-Fuḍayl ibn ʿIyāḍ, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “Love is better than fear. Do you not see that if you have two slaves—one loves you and the other fears you—the one who loves you will be sincere to you whether you are present or absent, because of his love for you. As for the one who fears you, he may be sincere when you are present out of fear, but when you are absent he will deceive you and not be sincere.” [7]
Imam Al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “The believer is a part of the believer, and he is his brother’s mirror. If he sees from him what he dislikes, he rectifies and corrects him, and he advises him both in private and in public.” [8]
There were fathers and uncles of the tribes and clans, elders who stood before us with stern resolve,
closing every gate through which discord might creep,
shielding us, and shielding themselves,
from the arrows of reproach that might rise from past missteps.
Their way was firm, unbending, sometimes severe—
and in our youth we thought them harsh.
Yet with years, we came to see:
beneath that steel lay mercy,
beneath that hardness, love,
a compassion that sought to guard the family name
from stain and blame.
And then there were the mothers, the grandmothers, the aunts—
their hands trembled with grief for us,
yet they never ceased searching for a path to lift our spirits.
They strove to restore what was lost,
to speak of us with hope,
to mend our broken image before the eyes of others.
We grew up between these two wings:
neither despising the stern ones,
nor leaning only on the gentle;
for both labored together for our good.
Both reminded us—firmly, tenderly—
that we had wronged ourselves,
and that consequences must be borne.
They counseled in private,
they veiled our shame with their collective care.
So we learned gratitude:
to those who fought to restore our standing,
and equally to those who held us steady on the path of discipline.
We cherished them both,
understanding that gentleness alone could not heal us,
nor sternness alone preserve us.
Even when firmness rebuked softness,
it knew the two were companions, not rivals.
For the mercy of mothers and grandmothers
did not breed impunity or entitlement;
it was a mercy that complemented the sternness of the fathers and uncles, a balm alongside the shield.
And the sternness of fathers and uncles
was not cruelty but vigilance—
a wall raised to protect tribe, clan and kin.
Thus we grew,
advised in secret, corrected in deed,
our faults hidden, our lessons learned—
and in that balance of softness and sternness,
we found both safety and wisdom.
We ask Allah: [اللهم كما حَسَّنْت خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي – O Allah! Just as You made my external form beautiful, make my character beautiful as well]. [9]
[1] https://www.nawawis40hadith.com/nw/hadith/7/sincerity-of-purpose
[2] An excerpt from Sharh Arba’een An-Nawawi by Shaikh Salih Aala Ash-Shaikh page: 81
[3] An excerpt from Sharh Saheeh Muslim: 2/39
[4] al-Dharīʿah ilā Makārim al-Sharīʿah by al-Rāghib al-Aṣfahānī (p. 211).
[5] Siyar A’lam An-Nubulaa. 5/75
[6] Tarikh at-Tabari 6/572
[7] Jāmiʿ al-ʿUlūm wal-Ḥikam by Imam Ibn Rajab, 1/219)
[8] Rawdat al-ʿUqalāʾ by Ibn Imam Ḥibbān, p. 195
[9] https://salafidawah.uk/2021/07/31/o-allah-just-as-you-made-my-external-form-beautiful-make-my-character-beautiful-as-well/